Don’t Forget The Oath: Together In Joy And In Sorrow
When You Disappointed In Your Marriage
Challenges
Maybe before your wedding, you were sure that you and your partner are so suitable for each other and he is your soul mate. But after the wedding, everything is changed and from a happy marriage left just disappointments and your cozy nest more like a bird cage.
There are times that every couple has its own problems and difficulties. But it’s not the end and we can remedy the situation. But before this, we should understand the reasons for our disappointments.
Reasons for Marriage's Deterioration
- Facing reality. Everyday routine, child care, strained relations with new relatives can ruin anybody’s life. Financial problems, chronic diseases, taking care of sick relatives are a massive blow to the new family.
- Obstacles which seems insurmountable. Sometimes we think that the distinction between partners is one of these barriers between partners. In the honeymoon phase, our partner is the embodiment of our dreams. We inclined to hide all our limitations and our true “Me” because we want to be attractive to our new partner, we want him to love us more and more. But situation changes after the couple begins live together after the marriage. The household’s responsibilities, financial problems, relationships with relatives show us to each other. We begin to see our “true partner” and he seems so different to us. And all his characteristics which were so cute to us begin to provoke us.
- Emotional estrangement from each other. Conflicts, harsh expressions, our unpleasant behavior lead to the estrangement of the partners, each of partners begins to disassociate or can have extramarital affair.
- Unrealistic expectations from the marriage. “She (he) is my soul mate”. Under this motto, we try to find an exact copy of ourselves. No matter how romantic this word sounds, it can be really hurtful for the relationships. This expression is the idealization of relationships, it denies all differences between partners. It opens a door for searching the “ideal partner who exactly as I want who has no disadvantage.”
What Can We Do?
Focus on the positive characteristics of your spouse. Try this technique: take a note of a three the best traits of your partner and keep it always near. You can put it in the backside of your wedding photo or in your mobile. From time to time look in this list to remind why you have chosen him. By focusing on your spouse’s best sides you avert the underestimating your relationships and learn to accept him as he is.
Make joint plans and devote time to them. Remember, you two were spending a lot of time together before marriage, you were planning joint entertainment and events. All these were so exciting and new for you and it seemed self-organized and you didn’t need any extra energy to do it. You even didn’t notice that you were planning all these things. Try it again as like before the marriage, try to plan a new event for both of you, plan your leisure time just for you two alone. It can help you to get closer and avoid the alienation.
Talk about your feelings. If you were offended by your spouse, don’t be silent and don’t keep all your resentments in your heart. Don’t pretend that nothing happened. Express your opinion clearly, says about your dissatisfaction without hysteria and insults. Don’t use offensive language.
Don’t confuse your thoughts and feelings with your spouse’s intentions.
Probably no one of you wants to hurt his spouse. Sometimes we try to blame our partner on what he didn’t say and it seems to us that he thought it. Don’t do it. Don’t tease your partner don’t make false accusations. Treat each other by all respect and understanding.
Be realists. A marriage is shared responsibilities and both partners’ work. On such a long way you two will face some troubles and challenges. There will be happy times and hard times too. Don’t idealize the marriage, be realists, don’t wait for unrealistic dreams. In this way you will have learned to understand, to forgive each other. It’s rather better than wait for the perfection of your spouse.
MARRİAGE QUOTES
- A marriage doesn’t have to be perfect, but you can be perfect for each other. J. Simpson
- A successful marriage is a building, which needs to be reconstructed again and again.
- A family is a society in miniature.
When a man and a woman marry they give the oath to each other to stay together in sickness and in health for better or worse. Do we remember this? Ask yourself: “Do I adhere to the oath?” Don’t search the justification for not keeping your promises by your partner’s mistakes. We responsible only for our part of the oath. And it’s more than enough.
Is happiness in a marriage unreal?
All we marry with belief that the marriage will be a source for our happiness. Years passed away and we got disappointed in our marriage. Especially the married couples feel it after five years living together...
There were conducted a study on ‘Happiness and satisfaction in marriage” in which was participating 342 women (70.2%), 145 men (29.8%), total 487 people all married, from 18 - 70 ages. All results were conducted with the Oxford Happiness Questionnaire and the Marriage Satisfaction Scale. The researchers have come to interesting conclusions.
The study has revealed a direct connection between people’s happiness and their marriage satisfaction. People who feel happy were pleased with their marriage. First 5 years of the marriage all couple happier than subsequent years this feeling was not so clear and they were less satisfied.
The men are happier in marriage than women
As it was said before researches have shown that happiest people among married couples the people who satisfied with their marriage. According to the study, the higher rate of happiness the higher rate of the gratification of marriage. Married men more satisfied with their marriage than women. Besides this researches has revealed there is no connection between the marriage satisfaction and the education degree. I. e our education doesn't play an important role in our family happiness.
During the first five years of the marriage we more happier.
It has revealed that married couples feel intense pleasure at first five years of a joint life, but after this period satisfaction is getting less. The more couples live together with the less satisfaction we can observe. And the rate of marriage satisfaction is higher in families where the partners found each other independently, had a long period of acquaintance, than who married friends’ recommendations. There a lot of research studying the connections between married and satisfaction feelings and happiness.
One of such research has revealed that married people happier than alone and divorced people. Another one has shown that married people more healthy. The researchers underline that there are some definite reasons which make a marriage healthy and happy. One of these reasons it’s our attitude to a marriage institute. Our satisfaction with marriage is defined by expressions like: “a marriage is necessary”, “A marriage is an important part of human life”.
To understand the quality of the marriage they look at “matching the partners to each other”, “successes in the marriage life”, “harmony in relationships” i.e. If the marriage meets the requirements of person he says about his marriage nice things. And this state of person counted as a satisfaction with the marriage. A high level of marriage satisfaction impacts positively to the health and personal happiness and vice versa.
The marriage makes the person happier; happy people are more motivated to the marriage.
A marriage and happiness two things connected to each other. The question is “does the marriage make people happy or the happy people are opened to the marriage?” It’s worth noting that the marriage plays important role in safety human’s physical and psychological health. The marriage is the institute that safe man from loneliness, gives him social status and support, and makes his existence more important, in this way it can be one of the most important sources of happiness. Well-established sex life, harmony in the marriage with its own order, opportunity to share problems with someone and having support, all these are strengthening factors in human life.
By the other hand, people who are able to be happy, who can be satisfied in lonely life they aim to have a marriage and permanent relationships. The research shows that people who can be happy are perceived by others as more cute and attractive. They can easily make a new acquaintance and so they get more chances to arrange their personal lives. This situation reveals that people who can feel happy and satisfied will be happier in the marriage life too. The research didn’t reveal connections between the marriage satisfaction and partner’s ages, amount of kids and age difference.
