Make Your Dream Marriage True in Antalya
What is marriage? A psychological Analysis
Marriage is accepted as a relationship form which is seen in every culture even if in different styles.
In this article we will benefit from psychology literature and try to understand what marriage is.
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Marriage means a confirmed relationship of a man and woman by the society they live in. Even if it differs from time to time, in general marriage shows the will to live together with self determination and free will. To get married, individuals should be old enough (full legal age). We want to remind you that this age can be different from culture to culture.In psychology literature we can face with different definitions of marriage. We can list some statements about marriage as below:
Marriage is the only relationship which is accepted officially in all societies even if there is culture difference between them. Marriage is an institution which is used by two people who love each other and who takes this love out from their inside world and make it a social reality. Moreover, marriage is an institution which provides self-improvement and happiness to people. Marriage is a promise which partners give each other to create a union of forces on celebrating success, getting over with disappointment, supporting each other, having kids and having responsibilities. Furthermore, marriage is a system of relationship which connects a man with a woman. It is a legal institution.
When we look at the descriptions of marriage, the one thing that attracts our attention is that each description can be criticized. For example, even if everyone emphasize ‘’legal relationship’’ part of marriage, there are lots of symbolic marriage styles as religious marriage can be found. Even if everyone also emphasize ‘’marriage is between people who love each other’’ we can see everyday people who are getting married because of different reasons. Another example can be about the age factor. Even if there is a rule, not only adults getting married but also we see in some cultures children are forced to get married. So maybe it is beneficial not to try finding a universal description of marriage concept but to focus each description’s different points.
Marriage relationship is one of the most important interpersonal relationship styles in our lives. In a research which is made among long term married couples, researchers saw that there are 5 main items of a marriage. These are privacy, loyalty, suitability, communication and religion.
Why marriage is a need?
Researchers which looking for an answer to the question of ‘why people get married’’ faced with these results. People are getting married to fulfill their incentives and biological, sociological and psychological needs, to bring new generations into the world, to have a place in society, to feel protected, trusted and solidarity.
Marriage Styles in Society
There are 2 different styles to get married in most societies.
- Having a love Marriage
This concept based on two people falling in love with each other and want to get married with each other with their free will.
- Blind marriageBlind marriage means two people getting married by intermediaries without having any flirting period. Couple has a very less chance to get to know each other. In some marriages this situation can lead problems however some marriages can continue without a problem. It is a highly seen situation that couples getting married without knowing each other well can fall in love with each other in time.
Marriage and Partner Choosing Process
Experts think that choosing a partner is one of the most important decisions in one’s life. Individuals are affected by this decision in positive or negative ways. Married life contains more than half of one’s life time. This is the reason why choosing a life partner is important, not easy and confusing.
A family, which is a result of a marriage decision, partner choosing and getting married has a connected and durable characteristic. If one of these connected period works not good, we can not mention about a family. To have a healthy family life, one must decide consciously during the marriage and partner decision.
There are two important things in people’s life. One is choosing job and the other is choosing life partner. It has a vital importance for happiness to make wise decisions on these topics.
It is important to know what to expect from a marriage as well as finding the true partner.
Most of the time marriages are a result of a decision period. To choose your life partner there are 2 important things to consider.
- Similarity Principle
According to this principle, people choose their life partner from a limited group which has similarities with the chooser on age, race, ethnical origin, social class, education and personality.
- Completeness Principle
According to this principle, people make choices based on the personality differences which will complete each other.
Individual qualifications, general look, economical condition, social and professional statue are the things which affect people’s decisions.
It is important to make a decision based on mutual feelings and dynamics of the relationship should be taken into consideration while making a decision. It is believed that people who has similar characteristics has more chance to have a healthy married life. It is known that these characteristics of the people who will get married can be affected by how people are raised, education, psychosocial differences, religion, sociocultural dynamics and geographical conditions.
Some people looking for the qualifications that they do not have. These people believe that different characteristics can remove the chance of having an ordinary married life.
Choosing a life partner is very important and the rest of one’s life is connected with this decision. With this decision, one is also deciding a life style and the father or the mother of one’s children.
Experts saying that people should determine if their expectations from marriage are realistic or not to make a successful partner decision.
There are two different opinions on choosing a life partner. These are:
- Homogamy
According to this opinion people have more chance to have a successful marriage if they choose their partner from the people they have common aspects. As this kind of marriage have lots of common aspects such as economy, religion, race, education, age and social values, disagreements are seen less than normal. Even if there may be some problems, it is easier to handle with them if you and your partner’s characteristics and cultural backgrounds are similar.
- Heterogamy
According to these opinion, couples should have opposite personal qualifications.
There are two ways to have a peaceful and happy life. One of these ways is to know each other, like each other, building a friendship and afterwards getting friends’, close relatives’ opinions. Second way is trying to get to know the person which is suggested by friends or closer relatives or elder ones of the family. Generally, all ways end the same. People should love the people they are getting married with.
For experts, partner choosing is a very tough decision and the decision process has 3 periods.
- First period, one should know thyself very good.
- Second period, one should know what to want or what to do not want in a partner.
- Third period is to be honest with yourself about the person in your life. Does your partner is the same one you are dreaming of?
The factors which affect partner choosing
According to researches, women mostly care about economical condition and social benefits while choosing a partner and men mostly attracted by appearance.
Moreover, families and relatives also have an effect on partner choosing. In conservative, traditional countries these effect increases.
Experts are telling that people should know themselves better, to know what expectations do one have, what kind of life one wants to live, weaknesses and strengths of oneself, to know what makes one happy to choose the right partner.
According to experts, it can be seen in recent years that interest in attraction, economical condition and love increased although the value which is given to house jobs decreased.
To have a healthy family life, partners should have fun together, learn together and do not use their weak points for a disagreement.
It is obvious that partners who have different educational background will not have any common ideas to talk and do not have an option to attend common cultural events. This means education differences have a negative effect on partners. Moreover, there should not be any great differences between social conditions. Economical distress can make partners disagree with each other also on different issues.
There is a research includes some questions to young men and women. In this study people are asked what kind of personal qualifications looking for in their partner. Men and women answers differ from each other according to their gender and the place they live in.
Experts listed the things which should be considered while choosing a life partner. These are good manners from family, having a sister or brother to know sharing, healthy mind and body and family approval, having similar hobbies.
Even if this list can be differ from time to time, from person to person and from culture to culture, some features remains always the same.
In marriage, it is also important to have a life philosophy besides the importance of character. It is important to have a partner who values family and marriage concepts. The goals in a human’s life should be the top intangible goals on the need pyramid. Career coaches said that ‘’what should a person be as an ideal ego? How do you want to be recognized after you die? This should be your ideal.’’ You want to be a good person or a beneficial person or a swindler? These ideals should also be there during your partner search. You should put love at second place and mind and logic to the first place. However this situation can be differ among young people who are thinking to get married. They only think about the feelings and love to each other. This is why young people act according to their feelings and can not can not be objective to know their partner well because of this. Since young people their partner, they usually mistaken about their partner’s real personality.
The feelings and thoughts
It is important not to have only lust but to have true love feelings to the person you are going to get married soon. These two feelings can be mixed. This is why people should really try to understand the feelings they have.
Physical appearance
It is very important to like the appearance of your partner, because it will affect both your relationship and the way you feel.
Personality
It is important to have a life partner who is trustable, affectionate, honest, respectful, tolerant, easy-going, patient and calm.
Education
The similarity between partners on education level will make their logical capacity and the way they handle the problems also similar. It is important to be mature enough to get married.
Partners In A Marriage
Harmony between partners is the most important factor in a marriage which has an effect on all aspects in married life. After some time, there should be a balance between negative and positive factors in a marriage and this balance can play an important role on marriage in both ways (it can be negative or positive) this balance can destroyed with social, economical, cultural and personal origins and these things can even finish a marriage.
To have a satisfied marriage, the most important requirement is to have a balanced relationship. To gain this success in marriage partners should know each other’s expectations mutually, respect these expectations and share their life.
Definition of a compatible married life is to make decisions on a consensus especially regarding to the marriage and family issues and solving the problems together. Moreover, compatible marriage also means satisfaction and happiness.
Compatible marriage is to balance the mandatory responsible of the marriage and voluntary things that one does. This balance shows how the requirements fulfilled.
Married couples are not as compatible as everyone thinks. Experts are saying that harmony can be in time too. To have a harmony in a marriage, partners should have a strong communication bonds, should share same values and aims, should make decisions together and should have an agreement on relationships with relatives, events and costs.
Due to the nature of human, it is important to have a compatible relationship between men and women since the beginning. However recently this topic becomes more popular in researches. A compatible married life also save the couples’ mind and soul health and protect them.
According to experts, compatible of the partners is very important. To carry a marriage out requires lots of endeavor and caring. In a marriage, both parties always look on a problem from their side and think that they are right. To have a healthy married life, partners should have empathy and wear the other one’s shoes to understand.
Some experts define the compatible marriage as a harmony of daily life’s changing conditions and to change together. Some other experts define compatible marriage as a marriage in which partners can communicate with each other. There should not be problems on important issues and the other little problems should be solved in a way that everyone becomes happy.
Experts also said that individuals’ personal qualifications, the way they experience the marriage subjectively and expectations of them can be important to have a compatible married life. The concepts of satisfaction, happiness, a complete marriage are defines the quality of the marriage.
Experts mention that marriage quality depends on good harmony, healthy communication, high satisfaction level and happiness. For compatible marriage, individual thoughts are not important, the important thing is the relationship’s quality and moreover it is also important to continue relationship and the capacity of continuing it. Satisfaction in marriage includes subjective happiness and contentment. Due to the experts, a compatible marriage has 5 steps.
- One’s satisfied feelings regarding to the marriage relationship.
- Interaction factor which includes daily activities which are organized by both partners.
- Disagreement factor which shows the verbal and physical conflicts’ amount
- Problems which occur because of the personal or behavioral specialties such as jealousy, susceptibility, anger, prodigality, alcohol..etc.
- Divorce factor which includes thinking about it or talking with friends about it.
Healthy marriage, unhealthy marriage
The topic of healthy marriage becomes one of the most important aspects among psychology researchers as it seems very important for society to have a healthy married and family life. Marriage gives meaning to individuals’ life, helps to wider their social roles and protects their mental health in a positive way.
Experts search the link between marriage and being good and they realized that the more people have negativities in their married life, the more they have a predisposition on being a bad person. The research shows that people who do not have a healthy happy married life also unhappy in their social life too. Moreover researches also show that there are differences between men and women. Women are mostly affected more than men from the link between happiness and marriage.
End of a marriage
Marriage is not a monotone period. It has 3 different periods in it which are very different from each other. On first period, the feelings which partners have for each other dominate the relationship. Afterwards mutual personality conflicts period starts. If both parties act logical, this period also can pass over easily. The third part is commitment period. On this period the love they have for each other before getting married also stays but it turns into an attachment and respect for each other. This is why the most ideal marriages are the marriages in which partners find both love and friendship together.
The reasons which cause divorce or the loss of peace in marriage are to have different definitions for love, communication problems, problems with gender, personal issues, bad habits, not having kids or can not have kids, economical problems, affairs, relative issues.
It is hard to be one while there are 2 different family backgrounds, point of views, habits, beliefs and values. These differences can cause some problems and ruins the compatible married life. For sum up, these are the problems which may occur in a marriage and have harmful effects on married life.
- Lack of ability to solve problems and crisis
- Unrealistic expectations from marriage
- Partners who have different expectations in terms of role playing in a family
- Gender differences
- Economical problems
- To have lack of communication or wrong communication style among couples
- Close relative problems
- Difference of opinion on raising children
- Busy work life
- Bad habits
- Psychological problems
- Couples who can not have kids due to physical problems
- Can not agree on children topic
- Cheating and jealousy
These problems can be differ of course from couple to couple, however studies show that these are the most common reasons for a divorce. Both beginning and the end of a marriage come with role and statue changes in social life.
Reasons of divorce can change from society to society, from culture to culture and from individual qualification to qualification. Attitudes toward divorce also can change from culture to culture.
Researchers started to focus on extramarital affairs because of the increase in divorces and extramarital affairs.
