Before the wedding, find out what to look for a healthy marriage

What Should Be Considered for a Better Marriage?

We know it's not so easy to continue the marriage. However, it is not very difficult obviously. When a little of care, understanding, compassion and a lot of love,

a happy marriage on its way comes out. However, knowing this separates being able and apply.

Does marriage really kill love?

What is changing with marriage?

I don't think that marriage has changed love. Love is something else. However, the relationship becomes institutionalized with the signature made after marriage. While we all make some requests freely, on the other hand, we try to fulfill the requirements of the institution. Then we lose our own individual values. Now, a common life is turned, but that life can be a life that neither person wishes.

Do we decide to get married very quickly?

Could be. But first of all, the point of view of marriage is important why we want to get married. When the reasons such as families, pressure, and the desire to go to separate houses arise, the work can speed up and people get married without knowing each other. If marriage is really looked at with the intention of 'living a life together', it is not important to make this decision early or late. If getting married for different reasons, the danger begins.

Is there anything to change after getting married? Or are we too blind to see this change all over again?

There is a change, but a change like this; when the person starts the relationship, he knows some of them. But when the marriage institution comes into play, individuals try to change each other for some reason. “But you are married now, you are a spouse now, don't go there, do this, you have these responsibilities…” When these things get involved, the person starts to compromise himself. It also changes when it starts to compromise itself. It bothers itself and the person in front of you is no longer that person you know.

What is the duty of women and men for the marriage to go well?

It is most important to create environments that will restrict individual freedoms to a minimum and not to pressurize each other. Some rules such as “We are married, absolutely every Sunday my mother wait for our visit, we have to go” or that includes social pressures such as “You are married, what are you doing there alone” should be expressed as little as possible. Of course sharing in married couples is also very important. Food, work, childcare… We are talking about a career woman who works today. Now, women do housework in marriages, there is no such thing as men work. But still, the expectation is in this direction. As far as I can see, men are not as conservative as they were in the past. They help their wives a lot, but there is a problem; women want everything to be perfect even though they work. May the food be scrumptious, take good care of the child and help his wife too… But the living conditions are really difficult. It is necessary to be able to say, “It is a not complete either” There is also this; If women do not see some jobs as their own duties from the beginning, if the other spouse knows that he has equal responsibility, they can act accordingly. But women should know this more than men. Women compromise, should not.

There is also a family factor. Today, there are still women divorced because of her mother-in-law and men who have problems with her husband because he is fond of his mother. In fact, women are also very fond of their mothers, and they can call their mothers every minute and leave the their children to their mothers. But men don’t have such a problem. The reason why women have trouble; the role of men and women comes into play. The man does not say anything with the thought that "the more her mother helps my wife, the more I am comfortable". The woman feels pressure when the man's mother comes into play. However, sometimes there is a really extremely bonded relationship between mother and son.

This is a pathological issue in Turkey; the extremely bond between mother and son. In this case, there is usually an addiction that develops from smallness. The incident develops in the same way in women who are dependent on their mother and in men who are dependent on their mother. In overly bonded relationships, there is often a problem between the parents who raise them. Mothers stick to life with these children, and because of that, they cannot accept their child's growth and leaving from them. Since they cannot accept, their marriage causes them a great trauma or a big problem. Likewise, the other side of that addiction applies to the child. In other words, he thinks that his mother could not survive without him. For this reason, he chooses a wife who can handle it, or when he cannot choose a partner, his relationships deteriorate and there is usually separation.

What is the secret to keeping the marriage well?

It is necessary to pay attention to; is a different individual in front of me and does not have to attract me. Member should always tell yourself this and the other person should look from that perspective. It is necessary to think "I am not her/his mother, I am not her/his father, someone with an expectation of happiness that I live with". At the same time; love, compassion and understanding in marriage; key words. Of course, we can talk about our daily stresses, we can discuss them whenever possible, but we do not have the right to hurt the other person. One of the biggest problems in marriages is that we can hurt them with the comfort that they will never go before, they will never disappear from our lives. It should not be done.

So what is it supposed to do?

We will know how we need love, compassion and understanding. If we have a problem, we can do some sports then go home; or we can show understanding to each other by saying "I am very troubled today, sleep a little, get up and talk after that." If everything is routine in a marriage, we can't wait for that marriage to continue. In other words, dinner should be prepared carefully, and it should be attentive when getting up in the morning… Yes, life is very difficult, but conducting marriages also depends on being attentive. In the past, there was such an aspect of women not working; they woke up in the morning, ironed, worn their clothes, they prepared breakfast in the morning ... All of this is a care. Men were also trying to get their wives to dinner over the weekend. Now when we look, everyone is tired; One of them is in front of that television and the other is in front of the other television, 'Let's say the food from outside'.

In some cases, it is possible to see that the marriage will go bad before getting married. It is obvious that she will not be very happy if she marries that man… But they get married and then they get divorced.

Before you get married, what signals do you need to pay attention to, in this case, and what path should you follow?

Marriage is such that there may be many psychological reasons for wanting to marry. Now you want to go to a regular life, you want to get away from your family, but you aren't in a position to encourage yourself or you want a child ... If you believe that you will agree and be happy with many people in front of you, you are less likely to have problems. One of the most important points here is getting to know yourself. You should know the answer to the question, "Can I be with him?" If you intend to unite at this point and start a life, things usually work.

The first year is the most difficult time in marriage. " Why is the first year so important?

First months in marriage are really difficult. Problems are often caused by the difficulties of living in the same house. Even when you live with your brother/sister, you can still have problems even if you know him/her very well. Minor problems will surely be within a year until they know each other, but they must be dealt with and put them right of the relationship. But there are some problems that marriage should end immediately; like violence.

Should care also to sexuality!

One of the most important factors affecting the relationship is sexuality. Poor sexual intercourse shows that there is a deficiency in that relationship. A healthy sexual intercourse should be 2-3 times a week. There are many things that can disrupt this situation for reasons such as work stress, illness, and fatigue. But in general, care, love, compassion, again determining sexual pleasure. As they nourish, sexual intercourse comes along. So you don't need to nourish it separately either.