Emotions Which Wedding Couples Face Before Wedding
Marriage psychology
In this article, we tried to cover all the topics before and after marriage in practical life.
This article’s main topics are; modern eras perspective on family, expectations from marriage, reconciliation of differences, knowing yourself before getting married, analyzing the one who you are going to get married with, families’ roles on choosing a partner, engagement period and the problems which may occur during this period, crisis management, the meaning of love, jealousy, trust, sacrifice in marriage, communication between partners, communication mistakes, cheating, divorcing, second marriages, violence, bride and mother-in-law relationship, working moms…etc. This article can be considered as a guide for married people and for people who are going to get married.
We can consider marriage as a burning fire. You should feed the fire to burn constantly. This can be also said for marriage. For having a healthy marriage you need to feed your marriage and you need to make investment on your married life. This investment can only take a part if you know about women and men psychology, communication between partners, child and adolescent psychology etc. Marriage is a corporation which has its own sociological and psychological boundaries. When these boundaries are known well, then the marriage will be healthy. This is why individuals should be taught about marriage to have a long, healthy life.
During making decision on getting married
Usually if both parties are in love, they do not look for another criterion. If there is no love between the partners, then physical attraction, jobs, money, family conditions are become decisive factors directly. At this stage, on what basis women and men’s criterias differ from each other? What things women and men searching for before marriage?
To understand the nature of marriage, you need to have enough knowledge on biological, psychological and social foundations. Being a partner is biological. Human nature intended to get married. Woman and man attract each other. This attraction is instinctive and is important for continuity of the species. So we can tell that marriage is a biological need for human beings.
There is a cultural side of marriage
Even if being partner is biological, marriage is a cultural concept. Marriage makes the attraction between men and women a cultural concept. Culture means acceptable standards for a society and these standards about marriage can differ from country to country. These standards also can be changed by personality, communication style and problem solving ways. These 3 things make a marriage as an operative concept.
What should be considered while choosing your partner
For example is it really necessary to be the same world’s people? Doesn’t the story of rich girl poor man works as movies?
In marriage, it is also important to have a life philosophy besides the importance of character. It is important to have a partner who values family and marriage concepts. The goals in a human’s life should be the top intangible goals on the need pyramid. Career coaches said that ‘’what should a person be as an ideal ego? How do you want to be recognized after you die? This should be your ideal.’’ You want to be a good person or a beneficial person or a swindler? These ideals should also be there during your partner search. You should put love at second place and mind and logic to the first place. However this situation can be differ among young people who are thinking to get married. They only think about the feelings and love to each other. This is why young people act according to their feelings and can not know their partner well because of this. Since young people can not be objective to their partner, they usually mistaken about their partner’s real personality.
What do men and women expect from marriage
Both parties should know themselves before getting married and create the meaning of the marriage together. If people cannot analyze themselves truly, their expectations cannot be realistic and this can create problems after getting married. We see differences on men and women expectations on marriage. For women, these expectations are usually psychological. For example, love and compassion need, need for care and support, need for feeling desired, need for trust, need to share responsibilities on raising children, need for an open communication, protection need, need for recognition, need to have fun at home, need for an economical insurance. For men, these needs are; independency, self-confidence, happiness, boundaries, to be respected, believing, justice, having fun and economical insurance.Keys to a good relationship in marriage are psychological awareness, emotional understanding and making right analyzes.
Feelings after Marriage
Why a marriage which has started with love fails or how long does ‘’love’’ marriage last?
Marriage is not a monotone period. It has 3 different periods in it which are very different from each other. On first period, the feelings which partners have for each other dominate the relationship. Afterwards mutual personality conflicts period starts. If both parties act logical, this period also can pass over easily. The third part is commitment period. On this period the love they have for each other before getting married also stays but it turns into an attachment and respect for each other. This is why the most ideal marriages are the marriages in which partners find both love and friendship together.
Wedding profile in the world have changed recently
Number of people getting divorced increased. How the social structure reflects marriage?
People who have a divorce usually say that their partners’ personality and soul is different from their personality and soul. For instance some people sell their car the minute it breaks down and buy a new one. In a marriage, this personality show itself as breaking up during the first problem. It needs a big effort to think how to be patient, how to deal with problems. Since nowadays people are much more selfish than the past, they do not want to deal with problems anymore. People prefer to run after pleasure and the responsibility of a marriage is difficult for them. Therefore number of people who had a divorce increased.
All these things are related with the answers which are given to the questions like ‘what is important in a marriage, what are the priorities?’’ the main thing is to find a solution to the problems in marriage. If a person is in this state of mind, he or she can leave his or her partner for example after an accident if their partner loses his or her leg. This means these kinds of people are not ready for marriage; do not understand the concept of the marriage.
Sacrifices in marriage
It is so important to pay attention to the sacrifices among family and communication between partners. Traditionally, women do everything their partner wants. To make some things for your partner is so important however it is only beneficial if this is made on the right time, at the right place and to the right person. Partners, especially women should not sacrifice themselves just to get confirmation from their partners. If some sacrifices have been made and there is no one appreciating it, people should not complain about it and should stop doing sacrifices. This will lead your partner to think about what is happening and act accordingly.
How to avoid 3rd parties’ affects on marriage
The main problem between bride and her mother in law is prejudice. Before marriage, mother of the groom thinks that someone is stealing her dear son and bride thinks that there shouldn’t be 2 woman in one heart and thinks that she can not completely have her partner unless she separates the groom from his mother. These feelings are psychological and natural for both sides. But it is not natural to be affected by these feelings and act accordingly. It is known that our thought affect our behaviors and 50% of communication is not verbal but behavioral. People’s behaviors are based on sub-conscious, most behaviors are not conscious. So body language denounce your feelings and thoughts.
The trick of communication among family is the intention of the people.
In some marriages partners try to destroy self-confidence of each other
Some people are like lawyers who blindly defend their clients in their marriage instead of try to search and find their partners’ needs and expectations. However partners should be like a judge in their relationship. It is a condition that if there is a problem in your marriage, you should ask yourself ‘what if my partner is right?’. This state of mind is important for a healthy communication. If there is one sentence which is more beautiful in a relationship, it is ‘’you are right’’. When partners do not find each other right at some problems, the problems will grow and both sides start to investigate each other’s personality.
Men and women differ from each other about their expectations on communication. Men usually retire into themselves, think and try to find a solution when a problem occurs in the relationship. Women on the other side do not want to solve the problem but want to share the problem with their partners. Men give importance to knowledge sharing, women give importance to sharing to not feel loneliness. Moreover, during a communication, men give importance to the result and women give importance to the process. If both sides do not consider these qualifications of each other, there will always be communication problems in relationship. For example if there is 3 mistakes out of 8 things a man do in a relationship, his partner will probably only focus on these 3 mistakes as a biological structure. Men, on the other side, do not enjoy hearing their mistakes.
On which stage in a marriage partners should get professional help
The main reason of the problems between partners in a marriage is not having enough knowledge on marriage. In most education system, this topic is left to the families. Before, when there was a problem in a marriage, the elder ones of the family was helping to get over it. Because society was more collective and grandmothers, grandfathers, mothers and dads was living at the same house with newlyweds and these people used to support each other. These things are not happening nowadays and moreover young people do not have tolerance for the elder ones of the family.Because of all these reasons, nowadays young couples get professional help when they have a problem in family.
There are lots of centers in which professional experts on family therapy are working. When someone says family therapy, one should not think only about problems. It is also family therapists’ job to prevent the problems before they occur with guiding the family. Family therapy’s scientific name is couple therapy and it can not happen with only one person.It should be succeeded to say the right thing in different styles during a communication with your partner. Partners usually think that they are pure in the heart and they tell whatever they think. However it is important what you say even if these kinds of approaches can be found right at the beginning. Even if there are no harmful effects of this communication style, it is impossible to find a beneficial side also.
This is like a vaccine which should be got from hip however has been got from mouth, not beneficial. If your data as goodwill, knowledge, wishes and expectations can not be sent to your partner with right ways, there can be no result and this leads to waste of your goodwill and effort. It is up to the determination of the partners’ personalities and communication styles to find the right way on communication and find how to use these communication skills. Married couples should find a way to improve themselves and their partner to have a healthy wedding life. There are also lots of books and movies about married life which everyone can benefit from. Communication is the most important key to have a successful relationship. If you can not handle these problems by yourself, you can always consider to get professional help for you, your partner and your family.
